Do snails go to Heaven?

Ohh, got ya! You thought one of our snails died..didn't you? I bet your cardio stopped for a sec. Well, now you know how me and Amanda felt only yesterday, and the day before. You see I now know that Wendle has the tendency to be lazy, but at the time I didn't realize. It was around 8:30 when me and Amanda, being the best snail carers, fed our snails. We then proceeded to get ready for the day. We went to brunch around 10:00, and when we came back Wendle was still in the exact same spot. His food had sunk to the bottom and it was lying among the rocks, and what I thought to be the dead corpse.Let me tell you, that is not normal for young Wendle. He usually slimes his way up to the top and literally sucks it down as if food is the only exciting thing in his life.(It actually probably is!So sad:() I decided to give him some time. Being a snail is a hard life, wondering around all day..doing nothing. Plus the day before the same thing happened, so I was like, "you know what he just needs time!" So I gave him time...till 4:30. Seriously, he was in the exact same spot the whole time.I walked over to Amanda's snail, just to see if that is normal.Horse was snailing around having a snail of a time..Ha! Ha! I came to the conclusion that is not normal. Me and Amanda just stood there looking at it, wondering what to do. We looked through the yellow pages of Three Hill, looking for something.anything to help us.There was nothing.No 1-800#..nothing.Defeated,I tried shaking the aquarium, but he just flopped around like a doughhead. I then contemplated where I should bury it. What would Wendle want?WWWW!Ok, not quite!Anyways, me and Amanda discussed it. Should we flush it down into the depth of the dark, dirty sewer as if he meant nothing to us? Should we bury outside where psycho drunk guys could trample all over it with there "guns"? Should we kill Horse so that he has compnay?Just kidding Amanda!! Then we had a plan. You see I have a cactus named Norbert sitting up on my shelf.( Amanda's is named Porcupine!) Anyways, this cactus is in dirt, so we thought we could bury it in there.It was a very sad discussion, but that was our conclusion.We decided to give everything he owned to his good friend Horse. We just couldn't deal with burying him at that point, so we went for a walk. We were gone for about half hour, and when we came back I sat down at my computer.I then looked up, and to my uttermost amazement Wendle was moving. I leaped for joy! Wendle was alive!! Amanda was in the bathroom at that point, but she came running cause she heard me yelling! Umm..not quite, but close:) I now know that Wendle has lazyitis..BIG time! Even now he is sitting in the exact same spot as this morning, his food waiting to be devoured. I no longer am worried. Just like people, they have different personality. Horse is active and well, and Wendle needs to go on Dr.Phil, but that is ok. I don't know how I will know when he really is dead. I think to each him a lesson I will just flush him down the toilet, and that way if he really wasn't dead, he would never play dead again. O yeah, in case you were wondering spankings don't work to teach a snail a lesson. Stupid shells!!
Editors note:
I can't believe I just wrote that blog..I am ok guys really!! I really do not need couselling. We must make these things dramatic to make this blog interesting! Yes, we love our snails and yes they are our best friends, and yes they are the highlight of our lives, and yes we would do anything for them, and yes a piece of us almost died last night, but our whole life doesn't revolve around them..COME ON!!! Who do you think we are?